Film poster for The Learning Curve – Copyright 2001, MGM (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I leaned over and put my face in front of hers. I looked her in the eyes. I told her, “I miss you.” She lit up. Evie’s one of my 6-year-old girls. She showed me on a calendar that she was off school next week (Spring Break). She talked about us spending more time together next week. I said, I’m working next week, but I’ll be around more and we can spend more time together. She said, “You’re the best daddy ever.”
I told her I was sorry I wasn’t seeing more of her. I’m working a lot. It’s because I’m learning. I’m learning how to wake up early and be a morning person. I’m learning to work hard and persevere. I’m learning how to be stronger.
At the start of the year, I started listening to positive thinking videos on YouTube. Every morning on the way to work I feed myself something positive and inspiring. I’m creating experiences by exposing myself to a particular kind of challenging and encouraging message 5 days a week. The behavioral theory goes that new experiences create new beliefs, new beliefs give birth to new actions, new actions produce new results.
Positive thought and encouraging talk in — This cultivates a set of experiences. The idea is that over time, the law of sowing and reaping should prove itself. Sowing the seeds of optimism, determination, and self-acceptance will produce the fruit of what was planted. And I’m seeing results. Small but promising results.
There are days where the sapling that’s growing feels withered and wind-blown. Keep talking positively. There are days I want to quit. Keep persisting.
I wish I learned how to do these things when I was 10 or 20 or 30 or … I didn’t. It’s time to learn them now. Why? Two reasons:
1- To teach my kids: If I don’t learn and demonstrate how to work hard, fail gracefully, continuously learn and do what is uncommon, I can’t expect my kids to do it. I’m trying to raise kids with grit and a growth mindset.
2- To teach myself: I’m trying to raise myself to develop grit and a growth mindset.
Years ago, I wrote about how I got away with murder when I was younger and now it’s killing me. I was smart enough to get through school with limited effort. The result: I learned how to rely on my natural ability and limited effort. At some point, smart isn’t good enough. Discipline, hard work, persistence are required. At some point, the fear of not having enough natural ability produces a timidness. The ability to work through the timidity is grit and a growth mindset – believing I can work hard enough to figure things out.
Most of my life, I didn’t have to set goals. I’ve lived a Mr. Magoo life. Walking blindly from situation to situation. Every time I’m about to step off the edge, something would come along and whisk me away to my next situation. It was a good run. But at some point, walking blind became tiresome and pointless. I have to learn to set goals. Goals are intended to achieve something bigger. They are about achieving a vision. Vision is absent in blindness.
I’m taking a chance. I’m making the gamble that it’s worth missing some of the precious time with my girls. Getting to the office by 6:30 a few days a week. Walking in with energy and determination after listening to a motivational YouTube video on the commute.
The return I want is to be a stronger leader for my girls and my family. I still have to work on the vision and goals. But I’m getting started on building the discipline, working hard, persistence muscles instead of waiting for the vision and goals to get clear. There’s a risk of getting lost in ever dimming darkness that comes from working hard and being too busy to learn and grow.
So here I am, telling my daughter I miss her because I didn’t build the discipline to start the workday at 6:30 AM when I was younger. I’m learning to apply myself like I haven’t had to before. With hope and faith that this will pay off for me and my family.
My kids are worth me betting on. And, with my positive self-talk, so am I. Hopefully, we hit the jackpot.
P.S. – After writing this, I decided to take a couple of days off to spend more time with my girls during Spring Break. Sometimes it’s good to hedge your bets.
