I talked to Rob about what was about to happen. He is excited. His daughter is moving on. He mentions Sandy, his wife, is having a hard time with the impending transition. Over half a dozen kids we know are moving to different cities this week. They are headed off to college. Some parents we know are beside themselves with anxiety and grief. Others are overjoyed. Jen listed their names. We've known these kids for years. We've watched as they showed the slipperiness of time. The way … [Read more...]
Are you Giving This Rare Gift?
June 26, 2018 by
I messed up. The clicker sounded. I knew it was coming. Feedback is part of the process. It was my first and last "um" of the speech. I was delivering an impromptu "Table Topic" speech at Toastmasters. Toastmasters uses active and impartial feedback to help speakers improve. "Um", "so", "and" are utterances that can receive a click. All speech issues are counted and reported on. Feedback comes in either real-time or before the one-hour meeting completes. Later in the day I met my … [Read more...]
Don’t Feel Like It? Do It Anyway!
April 17, 2018 by
"You don't get what you want by doing what you want," I told her. This might be a bit advanced for a six-year-old. This is the hand my kids were dealt. A dad who speaks in platitudes. A dad who tries to program his kids with a way of thinking that makes their life easier in the long run by doing what's hard in the short run. Sometimes I have to listen to my own advice. I wrote about what I learned about smiling last week. This weekend, I learned I need to persist when I don't feel like it. I … [Read more...]
What Happens When You Smile?
April 10, 2018 by
I smiled at her. She relaxed. I kept looking at her with a soft toothless smile. Her eyes widened a bit. She smiled back, disarmed. Her face said, "You see me and you like who you see." Her response evokes joy from me. A small virtuous circle swirls upward. This happened with both my girls, Evie and Ellie. It's occurred multiple times. It's part of an experiment I'm doing. I started experimenting with shaping my environment this year. The experiment consists of new … [Read more...]
3 Reasons You Suck With Boundaries
April 3, 2018 by
Jen looked across at me, listening patiently. A homeless guy rides by on the street behind us on a rental bike. The teachers from the local art magnet school are chattering at the next table. The sun shines. It's 72 degrees. The day is perfect despite either a hangover, restless sleep or both. It's our 10th anniversary. We reflect on where we are and where we're going. The annual talk about vision and mission come up. We spend an hour talking about it. It could have been an hour … [Read more...]
The Cost of Growing Up
March 15, 2018 by
I leaned over and put my face in front of hers. I looked her in the eyes. I told her, "I miss you." She lit up. Evie's one of my 6-year-old girls. She showed me on a calendar that she was off school next week (Spring Break). She talked about us spending more time together next week. I said, I'm working next week, but I'll be around more and we can spend more time together. She said, "You're the best daddy ever." I told her I was sorry I wasn't seeing more of her. I'm working a … [Read more...]
Are You In Danger of Being Understood?
September 25, 2017 by
"I don't feel safe," Izzy said. The court appointed agent looked around and told her, "This looks like a pretty safe place to me." Izzy was at her mom's house. She's at the beginning of a court negotiated recovery like what Tiger Woods is using to clear his record. Izzy is working through addiction issues. Her family is working through their issues with her addiction. Safe did not mean safe. It meant understood -- or not judged. The problem with being an addict is that your behaviors … [Read more...]
Can You Get Better By Grace?
September 18, 2017 by
T The blood drained from my face. I felt ashamed. I thought she was texting. I snarled, "Is that related to what we're working on now?" Michelle looked up. Taken aback and off balance, she replied , "I'm taking notes on what you're saying so I can remember later. I didn't want to take down the presentation I'm projecting to take notes." I apologized. Michelle said, "It's okay." "No, it's not," I replied. I apologized again. "It's fine." Again, I said, "No, it's not." … [Read more...]
Change Is Gonna Come
September 1, 2017 by
I read the quote nearly every day. It dangles at the bottom of his emails. Each time I read it, I feel a flush of regret of the inertia in the past and present; the dread of a future where the truth of the quote compounds with interest. The quote reads: "Every day you don’t do something, it makes it less likely that you will ever do something." What gets in the way of the doing something is either a lack of clarity of purpose or a lack of faith. Some may be uncomfortable with the … [Read more...]
Here’s What You Can Control
September 26, 2016 by
Embed from Getty Images Ellie's face turned maroon. "I'm angry!," she screeched. She was playing a board game with her twin four year old sister, Evie. Ellie gets intense. I'd never seen her this irate. Why was she angry? No other reason than her sister was ahead of her on the board. That was deemed unfair. I calmed her down. She resumed playing. The girls proceeded to butcher the game. I resisted my urge to control and correct. I let them play on, refereeing only … [Read more...]
