I messed up. The clicker sounded. I knew it was coming. Feedback is part of the process. It was my first and last "um" of the speech. I was delivering an impromptu "Table Topic" speech at Toastmasters. Toastmasters uses active and impartial feedback to help speakers improve. "Um", "so", "and" are utterances that can receive a click. All speech issues are counted and reported on. Feedback comes in either real-time or before the one-hour meeting completes. Later in the day I met my … [Read more...]
A Hot and Happy Mother’s Day
May 16, 2018 by
Mother's Day started at 3:41 am. "Eric, the air conditioner isn't blowing cold air." Jen and I get up. We walk through the house. I fumble with the thermostat. Jen checks outside to see if the unit is freezing (that happened a few years ago). We don't find anything wrong. I'm tired and frustrated. "What am I supposed to do to fix this at 3:41 am?", I think to myself. My lack of HVAC competency increases my irritability. Latent insecurity belies a lousy attitude. Powerless to … [Read more...]
Action Is the Stuff of Heroes
April 24, 2018 by
I stepped out of the house through the screen door on to the front steps. "Daddy do you want to play ball with us?" asked one of my twin 6-year-olds, Evie. I answered, "Of course!" I walked on to the lawn. It was the first time we'd all been outside playing together. Evie jumped jubilantly. She cried out, "Hooray! We're having family time!!!" The girls are at an age where they can start interacting like real people when they're not talking about poop. It's fun. It's rewarding. Too … [Read more...]
Don’t Feel Like It? Do It Anyway!
April 17, 2018 by
"You don't get what you want by doing what you want," I told her. This might be a bit advanced for a six-year-old. This is the hand my kids were dealt. A dad who speaks in platitudes. A dad who tries to program his kids with a way of thinking that makes their life easier in the long run by doing what's hard in the short run. Sometimes I have to listen to my own advice. I wrote about what I learned about smiling last week. This weekend, I learned I need to persist when I don't feel like it. I … [Read more...]
What Happens When You Smile?
April 10, 2018 by
I smiled at her. She relaxed. I kept looking at her with a soft toothless smile. Her eyes widened a bit. She smiled back, disarmed. Her face said, "You see me and you like who you see." Her response evokes joy from me. A small virtuous circle swirls upward. This happened with both my girls, Evie and Ellie. It's occurred multiple times. It's part of an experiment I'm doing. I started experimenting with shaping my environment this year. The experiment consists of new … [Read more...]
3 Reasons You Suck With Boundaries
April 3, 2018 by
Jen looked across at me, listening patiently. A homeless guy rides by on the street behind us on a rental bike. The teachers from the local art magnet school are chattering at the next table. The sun shines. It's 72 degrees. The day is perfect despite either a hangover, restless sleep or both. It's our 10th anniversary. We reflect on where we are and where we're going. The annual talk about vision and mission come up. We spend an hour talking about it. It could have been an hour … [Read more...]
The Cost of Growing Up
March 15, 2018 by
I leaned over and put my face in front of hers. I looked her in the eyes. I told her, "I miss you." She lit up. Evie's one of my 6-year-old girls. She showed me on a calendar that she was off school next week (Spring Break). She talked about us spending more time together next week. I said, I'm working next week, but I'll be around more and we can spend more time together. She said, "You're the best daddy ever." I told her I was sorry I wasn't seeing more of her. I'm working a … [Read more...]
The Power of Gratitude
March 7, 2018 by
I schedule to leave for my kids PTA meeting and singing performance at 4. I maintain a weak boundary. Two conversations and a couple of emails later I leave at 4:36. I'm harried. I get to the glass doors to leave. The sky opened up between the time I planned to leave and the time I finally leave. The rain is Biblical. It pours with ferocity. I walk 200 yards to my car. My pants and shoes are drenched. My boxers are wet; despite using an umbrella. I drive through the deluge. I make it home. … [Read more...]
Are You In Danger of Being Understood?
September 25, 2017 by
"I don't feel safe," Izzy said. The court appointed agent looked around and told her, "This looks like a pretty safe place to me." Izzy was at her mom's house. She's at the beginning of a court negotiated recovery like what Tiger Woods is using to clear his record. Izzy is working through addiction issues. Her family is working through their issues with her addiction. Safe did not mean safe. It meant understood -- or not judged. The problem with being an addict is that your behaviors … [Read more...]
Can You Get Better By Grace?
September 18, 2017 by
T The blood drained from my face. I felt ashamed. I thought she was texting. I snarled, "Is that related to what we're working on now?" Michelle looked up. Taken aback and off balance, she replied , "I'm taking notes on what you're saying so I can remember later. I didn't want to take down the presentation I'm projecting to take notes." I apologized. Michelle said, "It's okay." "No, it's not," I replied. I apologized again. "It's fine." Again, I said, "No, it's not." … [Read more...]
